This has been a week from hell. That whole law of attraction really does work, even if it is an attraction of shitty days.
I have been having difficulties at work with a co-worker who has a very different and strong personality. It has caused me to doubt myself in ways I hadn't in a very long time. It has worn down on my psyche for days. I internalized my emotions and they pushed themselves out in the forms of migraines and fever blisters. I am so worn down emotionally that I would rather walk into traffic then deal with this person at work.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job. I love 95% of the people I work with. I just have a personality conflict with one, very important person. Today I finally had a breakthrough thanks to one of my co-workers who gave me a different perspective to how to deal with things.
I tend to take my work to heart and very personally. I put everything into what I do, so when something I do is trashed I take it personally. This is something I have to work on with myself, I know this. But this is what is happening. The co-worker that is difficult has no tact when she is correcting you and despite spending 40 years in education she is I tend to take my work to heart and very personally. I put everything into what I do, so when something I do is trashed I take it personally. This is something I have to work on with myself, I know this.
But this is what is happening. The co-worker that is difficult has no tact when she is correcting you and despite spending 40 years in education she is not a good teacher.
Needless to say it has been a long week. I have been told a thousand times, "it isn't you it is her." I know this, but I still internalized it. And that is my fault.
Ok so I finally start decompressing and letting things go.
Yesterday John told me my mom called as we were on the way out the door to Johnathan's first t-ball game. I figured I would call her today before I left for today's t-ball game, which is exactly what I did.
Well, the conversation and stress from finally decompressing to new heights of extreme explosions. She read my blog. After 2 years of being on the World Wide Web, venting my thoughts, frustrations, emotions etc, she finally reads it. And she is pissed. Appently venting to my audience of 10 is not good. As if the years in therapy, yacking my friends ears off and crying on my spouse and mother-in-laws shoulders wasn't airing her dirty laundry. Um ok. I an supposed to what, stop writing? Not even a consideration. I will never stop writing how I feel or what I think. I have internalized things my whole life, It is how I deal with life and its inevitable curve balls.
So apparently I talk to my dad too much and her not enough. Which is funny because I talked to my dad once in the last three months to tell him about a beer show on A&E. I also have apparently burned my bridges and can never go back. Yeah ok. I burned those bridges 15 years ago when I left home. Now if it could just work both ways…