Saturday, April 5, 2008

Something she said....

Something she said…

I have been reading my new prize Such a Pretty Fat, by the amazing Jen Lancaster for the past couple of days (I would have read it straight through but work got in the way-damn you day job) and so much of what I am reading hits home. Everything she writes about I can relate to because either a) I have done it or something very close too or 2) I can totally see myself doing.

There is one part though that really got me thinking about not only me, but also my life. As not to give away any plot or goodness that is with in the story, I won’t go into description or quotes, but it made me stop and think. Like a math equation, life has a beginning, an end, and you spend a lot more time trying to come up with the right equation to make it work. In the end though if you look at the common denominator of all that has happened, including what we blame others for, you yourself is the constant.

What does that say about us? Does it mean we are asking for shitty jobs and asshats (sorry I did steal that term) in relationships? Maybe maybe not. The one thing in this equation we that we can control, is ourselves.

This got me to thinking about my day job situation. This has been a pattern that I wasn’t willing to see. I get a job that is truly good, but I become quickly bored and end up creating drama internally and externally. Now depending on who I am working for and their own drama level this can create either a tolerable work environment for me or pure hell on wheels.

Such hell has been had at the lawyers office, the hospital job and now my day job. I go in so excited and full of gusto that I burn myself out quickly especially when my creative and witty ideas to improve things are rejected. I hate being watched over and hate that I have to ask permission to go to a doctors appointment or feel guilty that I need to leave at 5 o’clock to go to my childs ball game.

This gets me thinking even more about when have I ever truly been happy at work? And by happy I mean I am not stressed, not sick all the time, not missing work for migraines?

Answer? When I worked for myself doing what I wanted to do, which is write. Problem with that is writing isn’t profitable until you have 50 hard covered novels and 3 of them are adapted to screenplays. And even then there is no guarantee that your next “big” idea will sell millions or that your publisher will accept it. So I end up resending out resumes and taking jobs that I go in with gusto and burn out quickly. Common denominator=me.

So, what do I do? That I am still trying to hammer out. But for now I sit on my back porch writing during my free time so that I can (hopefully) earn enough money to reduce my hours in hell by the end of summer. At least then I know I will be guaranteed a miniscule paycheck every two weeks.

Back to tanning with the glare off my laptop.

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