I know, I know it is way past New Year's Day and the resolution proclaiming, but what can I say I was trying to narrow down the choices I had swimming around my head. Sure I had loose weight, get fit, read more, write more, love more, hate less, stand up for what I believe in, speak up, not back down and all sorts of things floating amid many voices past present and future. But this year I decided to take a different approach, instead of trying to change the outside to fit a mold that now matter how tiny or fit I am I never see me as fitting into, why not change the inside and how I see me.
And just as I was coming to this revelation I discovered an awesome show on Lifetime called "How to look good naked". Watching Layla expressing exactly what I think and seeing how she saw herself triggered something in me. I need to change how I see me.
I watched the episode again with my husband last night. It helped him to see how I see myself. He always says I am beautiful no matter what my weight, outfit, etc but I never believe him. I figure he has to say it he is my husband. He never understood why I don't see what he does. That all I see are the imperfectness of me instead of the beauty he sees. When Layla placed herself six sizes bigger then she actually was I could see the light bulb go on in my husbands head.
Because of this view of myself, I too dressed frumpy and dumpy. No make up, no hair style, no style period. In 2008 that all will change.
I now have contacts, not that glasses are ugly, but use mine to hide behind and as an excuse not to do eye makeup. I invested in good mascara (Cover Girl Lash Blast), beautiful eye shadow shades and many eyeliner colors. I even have an eyelash curler! No more plain Jane eyes.
Next, I invested in several skin care treatments for my uneven skin tones and acne scars. I have a home microderm abrasion kit (BeautiControl) with the scrubber and after 2 treatments my skin is looking amazing. Then I invested in the Cell Block C, also by BeautiControl. It replenishes the skin and rejuvenates it.
I also have gotten my hair cut and colored as mentioned in a previous post. I invested in good shampoos, hair products and hair equipment. I never realized before the importance of using the right tools for the job until now.
Another area I took a good hard look at was my closet. But first I did a quick measurement of my various body parts to get a good idea of what sizes I should be wearing. Then I tried a few online calculators for body type and what style I should be wearing. After seeing what I shouldn't be wearing I went to my closet and took a hard look at what I had and boy have I been dressing wrong. No wonder I felt frumpy!
Instead of showing off what I have I was hiding it while accidentally accentuating what were my trouble spots. I began pulling down the entire "no's" style (still a work in progress because I have clothes in several spots in the house) and saw what I had left. I was suddenly inspired with outfit ideas. Things were like hidden treasures. I know as I move through my clothes that I have everywhere, I will find even more! I can't wait to go plundering in the boxes of stuff in the basement for new ideas!! (taking the remaining things in good condition to the Haven of Rest.)
I found that I had hidden treasures in my jewelry box too. Actually it wasn't a box and all of it was very unorganized so I found a jewelry box (reg. price was $19.99 but got it on sale for $4.99!) and sorted all of it out. Now I can play mix and match much like I did on my Barbie fashion plate set as a child (do you remember the fun those were!!)
My next step it to locate a place I can get a proper bra fitting. I have the same problem as Layla did with the excess rolls, floppy straps and little support for my ample girls. I know Victoria Secret does fittings but I also know they don't carry bras in my size. According to the "Bra Whisperer's" online calculator I am way off on what I need so I will find someplace local to go get an exact measurement.
Well, after all these fun activities I decided to take an outfit out for a spin. Suddenly people were saying hello to me. Was it the outfit or the air of confidence I had in the outfit? I wasn't sure. So I did it the next day and got the same result. Hmm, was I invisible before? I know I wanted to be, and I must have succeeded because suddenly I am getting complements, becoming more noticed and last night as I am getting out of my car I got whistled at! I checked the parking lot and I the only other person in it. Me getting cat calls? I am the same weight, same size, same outside (plus a put a more put together like I care about myself outfit) what changed?
My outlook. That's all.
Realizing that I am worth the fuss to look good and feel good. I am worth every penny of the pretty things. That the pretty things aren't just for the tinny tiny and model like, but for me a normal woman too.
So that is my resolution. To realize that I am worth everything I want, everything I dream, everything…