Well I'm going to do it.
I'm putting it out there for the world to see.
I'm setting a goal not a weight goal because that is just a number. I'm setting a lifestyle change goal.
I want to feel good & look good. I want to not only look half my age but feel half my age.
And my reward (besides the obvious awesomeness) is a tattoo from the famed Gas Chamber Inc in NC.
So it’s a road trip plus being tatted by Shannon Moore’s crew. (I may also get a piercing or two as well) I've always wanted to get tattoo but have always been too chicken to get one. Now I’ll use it a permanent marker of what I've accomplished.
I will post before-during-after pictures, as well as the trials and tribulations along the way for all to see. Something that freaks me out but I know will ultimately give me strength in the end.
Overcoming mental fears are as powerful as getting a better lifestyle.
So why all the dramatics? Because I am very good at starting and very bad at follow through. Especially when it is something hard for me. I will self sabotage myself every step of the way and not reach my goal no matter how bad I really want it.
Whether it is finishing a project that has great potential to push my career to the next level or to get really healthy again I find some way to f&#k it up.
But this time I really want this really bad. I need this really bad. Not just for physical health reasons, but mental health as well. I need to prove to myself I have what it takes again.
So as I push myself I beg of you please push me too. If I fall off the wagon, chastise me but tell me to push through and get back on. I need this. I will forever be indebted to those willing to help me in this endeavor.
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
“It’s getting hard to be someone, but it all works out…”
“It’s getting hard to be someone, but it all works out…”
Strawberry Fields~ The Beatles
I am writing this after another night of being fully awake until 4 am and up at 8:30, then dozing from 9-12. I have been battling sleepless nights again since not needing to get up in the morning.
But this is not the first battle with this nor do I think it will be the last.
I have spent my entire life trying to conform to be awake in daylight and asleep at night. For as long as I can remember I could stay up all night without difficulty provided I could sleep in. But thanks to needing to conform to an 8-5 society I have had to force my body into this life cycle.
When I was at my writing heights (successfully publishing 23 articles in a span of 6 months) I was completely nocturnal. I am at my creative heights from about 11 pm to 4 am. When the world is silent my brain is in overdrive.
Which is great when you can utilize it to make beautiful art out of words, but not so great when you need to get up in the morning so you are forced to quiet the creative juices with large doses of medications just to be “normal”? And let me tell ya…normal sucks.
Strawberry Fields~ The Beatles
I am writing this after another night of being fully awake until 4 am and up at 8:30, then dozing from 9-12. I have been battling sleepless nights again since not needing to get up in the morning.
But this is not the first battle with this nor do I think it will be the last.
I have spent my entire life trying to conform to be awake in daylight and asleep at night. For as long as I can remember I could stay up all night without difficulty provided I could sleep in. But thanks to needing to conform to an 8-5 society I have had to force my body into this life cycle.
When I was at my writing heights (successfully publishing 23 articles in a span of 6 months) I was completely nocturnal. I am at my creative heights from about 11 pm to 4 am. When the world is silent my brain is in overdrive.
Which is great when you can utilize it to make beautiful art out of words, but not so great when you need to get up in the morning so you are forced to quiet the creative juices with large doses of medications just to be “normal”? And let me tell ya…normal sucks.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Book recommendation from Mia Tyler....
March 7th The Book Of Awakenings
I posted to her blog after watching the vlog saying this couldn't be more appropriate for myself and a dear friend that is also in a time in his life that we could use some guideance. I am going to go by this book and I will let everyone know what I think of it. I am also going to by a copy for my friend and see if he would like to share his thoughts of it as well.
Until, next time....love, Shannon
I posted to her blog after watching the vlog saying this couldn't be more appropriate for myself and a dear friend that is also in a time in his life that we could use some guideance. I am going to go by this book and I will let everyone know what I think of it. I am also going to by a copy for my friend and see if he would like to share his thoughts of it as well.
Until, next time....love, Shannon
Thursday, March 13, 2008
How in the world am I doing it?
How in the world am I doing it?
This is the number one question I have been getting since I started posting my weight loss journey. I usually answer that I really don’t’ know, it is just happening. But today I decided to put some thought into what I am doing and what is really going on with my melting of pounds.
Before I start with how I lost it let me give you some background information. I am nearly 5’9" and in my eyes had struggled with weight all my life, but looking back at old pictures it wasn’t weight, but curves that I had. It wasn’t until I had three children that the true yo-yo of my weight began. Also, having bed rest my entire last pregnancy, add in the fact that I was having an elephant for a baby and my age the pounds never wanted to go away.
Almost 2 years after having my youngest, my husband joined the Marines so I decided not to look like the Stay-puffed Marshmallow Man when he returned. So between diet, exercise and stress I was the weight was down to a respectable 150. We went on to be stationed in New Orleans.
I floated within 10lbs of that weight until October 2003, when a medication I was given to combat anxiety and depression reacted badly with my body. I gained 40 lbs in water in 3 days. You couldn’t see my toes, could put on shoes it was horrible. The doctors are sure what happened but it reeked havoc on my body.
The depression of this and other factors at my life at the time caused me to stress eat. This stress/self medicating eating ballooned me up to 262lbs. I hated myself. I wouldn’t go anywhere without having a panic attack. I was lost on many levels, and all of my own doing. Plus, how can you not eat and drink in a city founded on that very thing! In late 2004, I got a job requiring a lot of walking and dropped to 245 which began to help.
In June 2005, we were transferred to North Carolina and I decided to do something about the weight so I joined Weight Watchers. This was scary for me! I have social anxiety and to have my weight be the focus of why I was attending something was very, very hard for me. I did it anyway. On the 11 week time I paid for I calorie counted my way down to 235.
Then John got transferred to California for training and I was alone with a toddler in a town with no family or friends. I stressed but this time I dropped to 215 instead of stress eating I was stress fasting (both are very bad for you). When Katrina hit I stressed to a whole new level, 206.
In December 2005, (as some of my earliest readers know) I was unjustly fired from my job in North Carolina. I didn’t deal with the rejection well, but instead turned to writing to vent instead of as many boxes of cookies. By the time May 2006 arrived and we knew for certain we were moving back to Ohio I had reached 225 and thanks to enjoying one last summer at the ocean, I was active enough to keep me in that zone of weight.
I never could break the 200’s though, due in part to whatever the meds did to screw up my hormones. This would frustrate me so I would yo-yo eat. This combined with coming home to John’s family who love to cook and are darn good at it (especially deserts!) I got up to 242. I felt defeated, so I took my self loathing internally. I would dress crappy because I felt I deserved it for being overweight.
Then in December 2007 I had a break through. While watching How to look good naked, I realized that size doesn’t matter, it is the glow from within that speaks volumes. I began a wonderful friendship with fellow writer who helped me (from Boston) discover my inner diva. Instead of doing plan to start dieting when the new year approached, I would give myself the best Christmas present: The permission to love myself, not diet, and to live every moment as fabulous as I could. I began wearing makeup again and getting my hair done. I started taking the time to dress nice for work and for play. I just let myself be happy on the inside and outside.
On December 27 I got on the scale at 235, took my measurements then recorded them and decided I am ok with that. If that is weight I am meant to be so be it. I wouldn’t starve myself, but I wouldn’t kill myself with junk and fast fried foods. I would love my body and show it I loved it by stopping the things that were bad for me. This included my diet coke addition, sitting down and eating a giant bowl of brownie sundae. I would hydrate myself with good things like water and vitamins. I would also not deprive myself. If I felt like a piece of chocolate I could eat it, no guilt, no beating myself up.
After the New Year came and went, I started noticing the way my clothes fit so much looser. I got on the scale and 5 lbs, then 10lbs was gone. In February it was down 15 lbs.
Which leads me to today, I am 215. Why? Because I stopped the inside hatred of myself. It was like my mind and body had been at a long and hard battle for so long by calling a peace treaty gave immeasurable (and much needed) relief to my system. I let 20lbs of hatred, 15 inches of loathing off my hips, and 8 inches off my waist of fear all go.
Do I still have bad days where I hate my body? Sure, I am human, but I deal with it directly and stop it in its tracks rather then try and mask it with a box of Twinkies. I realize that the mood like time, will pass and life will go on.
I am trying to figure out a way for me to add exercise to the new me as well. This is hard because I hate it for one and because I have difficulty sweating (another after effect of the meds) so I miserably overheated. So this isn’t a pleasant thing for me. But as spring (hopefully) approaches me here in Ohio, I am looking forward to being outside again. Possibly walking or biking with the kids. Just another way to love my body-keep it moving.
Well I have dispensed my knowledge of my miracle weight loss. Hope this helps and answers the questions that you have about my secret.
Just love yourself, flaws and all, and the rest will take care of itself!
Love,
Shannon
This is the number one question I have been getting since I started posting my weight loss journey. I usually answer that I really don’t’ know, it is just happening. But today I decided to put some thought into what I am doing and what is really going on with my melting of pounds.
Before I start with how I lost it let me give you some background information. I am nearly 5’9" and in my eyes had struggled with weight all my life, but looking back at old pictures it wasn’t weight, but curves that I had. It wasn’t until I had three children that the true yo-yo of my weight began. Also, having bed rest my entire last pregnancy, add in the fact that I was having an elephant for a baby and my age the pounds never wanted to go away.
Almost 2 years after having my youngest, my husband joined the Marines so I decided not to look like the Stay-puffed Marshmallow Man when he returned. So between diet, exercise and stress I was the weight was down to a respectable 150. We went on to be stationed in New Orleans.
I floated within 10lbs of that weight until October 2003, when a medication I was given to combat anxiety and depression reacted badly with my body. I gained 40 lbs in water in 3 days. You couldn’t see my toes, could put on shoes it was horrible. The doctors are sure what happened but it reeked havoc on my body.
The depression of this and other factors at my life at the time caused me to stress eat. This stress/self medicating eating ballooned me up to 262lbs. I hated myself. I wouldn’t go anywhere without having a panic attack. I was lost on many levels, and all of my own doing. Plus, how can you not eat and drink in a city founded on that very thing! In late 2004, I got a job requiring a lot of walking and dropped to 245 which began to help.
In June 2005, we were transferred to North Carolina and I decided to do something about the weight so I joined Weight Watchers. This was scary for me! I have social anxiety and to have my weight be the focus of why I was attending something was very, very hard for me. I did it anyway. On the 11 week time I paid for I calorie counted my way down to 235.
Then John got transferred to California for training and I was alone with a toddler in a town with no family or friends. I stressed but this time I dropped to 215 instead of stress eating I was stress fasting (both are very bad for you). When Katrina hit I stressed to a whole new level, 206.
In December 2005, (as some of my earliest readers know) I was unjustly fired from my job in North Carolina. I didn’t deal with the rejection well, but instead turned to writing to vent instead of as many boxes of cookies. By the time May 2006 arrived and we knew for certain we were moving back to Ohio I had reached 225 and thanks to enjoying one last summer at the ocean, I was active enough to keep me in that zone of weight.
I never could break the 200’s though, due in part to whatever the meds did to screw up my hormones. This would frustrate me so I would yo-yo eat. This combined with coming home to John’s family who love to cook and are darn good at it (especially deserts!) I got up to 242. I felt defeated, so I took my self loathing internally. I would dress crappy because I felt I deserved it for being overweight.
Then in December 2007 I had a break through. While watching How to look good naked, I realized that size doesn’t matter, it is the glow from within that speaks volumes. I began a wonderful friendship with fellow writer who helped me (from Boston) discover my inner diva. Instead of doing plan to start dieting when the new year approached, I would give myself the best Christmas present: The permission to love myself, not diet, and to live every moment as fabulous as I could. I began wearing makeup again and getting my hair done. I started taking the time to dress nice for work and for play. I just let myself be happy on the inside and outside.
On December 27 I got on the scale at 235, took my measurements then recorded them and decided I am ok with that. If that is weight I am meant to be so be it. I wouldn’t starve myself, but I wouldn’t kill myself with junk and fast fried foods. I would love my body and show it I loved it by stopping the things that were bad for me. This included my diet coke addition, sitting down and eating a giant bowl of brownie sundae. I would hydrate myself with good things like water and vitamins. I would also not deprive myself. If I felt like a piece of chocolate I could eat it, no guilt, no beating myself up.
After the New Year came and went, I started noticing the way my clothes fit so much looser. I got on the scale and 5 lbs, then 10lbs was gone. In February it was down 15 lbs.
Which leads me to today, I am 215. Why? Because I stopped the inside hatred of myself. It was like my mind and body had been at a long and hard battle for so long by calling a peace treaty gave immeasurable (and much needed) relief to my system. I let 20lbs of hatred, 15 inches of loathing off my hips, and 8 inches off my waist of fear all go.
Do I still have bad days where I hate my body? Sure, I am human, but I deal with it directly and stop it in its tracks rather then try and mask it with a box of Twinkies. I realize that the mood like time, will pass and life will go on.
I am trying to figure out a way for me to add exercise to the new me as well. This is hard because I hate it for one and because I have difficulty sweating (another after effect of the meds) so I miserably overheated. So this isn’t a pleasant thing for me. But as spring (hopefully) approaches me here in Ohio, I am looking forward to being outside again. Possibly walking or biking with the kids. Just another way to love my body-keep it moving.
Well I have dispensed my knowledge of my miracle weight loss. Hope this helps and answers the questions that you have about my secret.
Just love yourself, flaws and all, and the rest will take care of itself!
Love,
Shannon
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Marching lions
Marching lions
They have said that March comes in like a lion and leaves like a lamb, for me it has been oh so true.
February was rather stressful as my day job became increasingly horrible. Much to my chagrin it was a repeat of last summer. I did what I did last summer, only this time it blew up in my face. Life has been hell for me for weeks. But I survived.
I now am tippy toeing back into life as I like it. As I tippy toe I must say I am sorry for falling off the radar for the last few weeks. I haven’t had the energy to open my laptop and do more then check email.
We set our clocks ahead this morning and I am setting my outlook ahead too; looking forward to spring and then summer. Waiting for the snow that buried us this weekend to melt and the first tiny green leaves to poke their way up to the surface reaching for the sun.
When I think of how hard those tiny plants work to get through the layers of soil, I again am reminded that the world is so much bigger then what is in my orbit. That my struggles are just that my struggles, and like those tiny plants I must keep pushing towards my goals and dreams, but most of all my tiny space in the sunlight.
They have said that March comes in like a lion and leaves like a lamb, for me it has been oh so true.
February was rather stressful as my day job became increasingly horrible. Much to my chagrin it was a repeat of last summer. I did what I did last summer, only this time it blew up in my face. Life has been hell for me for weeks. But I survived.
I now am tippy toeing back into life as I like it. As I tippy toe I must say I am sorry for falling off the radar for the last few weeks. I haven’t had the energy to open my laptop and do more then check email.
We set our clocks ahead this morning and I am setting my outlook ahead too; looking forward to spring and then summer. Waiting for the snow that buried us this weekend to melt and the first tiny green leaves to poke their way up to the surface reaching for the sun.
When I think of how hard those tiny plants work to get through the layers of soil, I again am reminded that the world is so much bigger then what is in my orbit. That my struggles are just that my struggles, and like those tiny plants I must keep pushing towards my goals and dreams, but most of all my tiny space in the sunlight.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
An update from a "little late, but not to little"…
Well, it has been a smidgen over a month since I declared this year I would change my outlook and let the rest fall into place. Well, it is working!
I have not been dieting, but have been more conscious of what I eat and drink. In doing so I have inadvertently lost 12 pounds! The biggest change is how my clothes are fitting. I noticed that my pants were looser all over. That is because I managed to lose 4 inches in my waist and 12 inches in my hips!
Mind you the only thing I have changed is that I love myself more. Have I stopped eating ice cream or chocolate? Nope, if I want it I eat it. I am finding the happier I am with myself the less likely I am to gorge on crappy bad for me foods. In fact I have a beautiful King Cake that my boss got me in celebration of Mardi Gras and I fully intend on enjoying it!
So does happier = healthier? I am beginning to wonder why I didn't try this sooner.
I have not been dieting, but have been more conscious of what I eat and drink. In doing so I have inadvertently lost 12 pounds! The biggest change is how my clothes are fitting. I noticed that my pants were looser all over. That is because I managed to lose 4 inches in my waist and 12 inches in my hips!
Mind you the only thing I have changed is that I love myself more. Have I stopped eating ice cream or chocolate? Nope, if I want it I eat it. I am finding the happier I am with myself the less likely I am to gorge on crappy bad for me foods. In fact I have a beautiful King Cake that my boss got me in celebration of Mardi Gras and I fully intend on enjoying it!
So does happier = healthier? I am beginning to wonder why I didn't try this sooner.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Yesterday’s Confidence Builder: Outfit DuJoir Current mood: confident
I woke up yesturday with a bounce today because I knew I had a fierce outfit planned for the day. From top to toes I was styling an out fit that was less then $75 but looked like a ton more.
The shirt is a black asymmetrical low-cut shirt that has a built in silver ring necklace. It is super comfy and super sexy.
My skirt is a green asymmetrical mock wrap skirt that is also really comfy and hugs in all the right places.
I wore a sheer black pantyhose and these awesome black with silver studded ankle boots .
My jewelry consisted of silver bangle braclet and silver hoop earrings with a green bead.
All this for less then $75.00!!
I was stylin' from head to toe today which gave me a bit of a strut when I walked.
I think this glam thing is really working for me!
The shirt is a black asymmetrical low-cut shirt that has a built in silver ring necklace. It is super comfy and super sexy.
My skirt is a green asymmetrical mock wrap skirt that is also really comfy and hugs in all the right places.
I wore a sheer black pantyhose and these awesome black with silver studded ankle boots .
My jewelry consisted of silver bangle braclet and silver hoop earrings with a green bead.
All this for less then $75.00!!
I was stylin' from head to toe today which gave me a bit of a strut when I walked.
I think this glam thing is really working for me!
Monday, January 7, 2008
A little late but not too little…
I know, I know it is way past New Year's Day and the resolution proclaiming, but what can I say I was trying to narrow down the choices I had swimming around my head. Sure I had loose weight, get fit, read more, write more, love more, hate less, stand up for what I believe in, speak up, not back down and all sorts of things floating amid many voices past present and future. But this year I decided to take a different approach, instead of trying to change the outside to fit a mold that now matter how tiny or fit I am I never see me as fitting into, why not change the inside and how I see me.
And just as I was coming to this revelation I discovered an awesome show on Lifetime called "How to look good naked". Watching Layla expressing exactly what I think and seeing how she saw herself triggered something in me. I need to change how I see me.
I watched the episode again with my husband last night. It helped him to see how I see myself. He always says I am beautiful no matter what my weight, outfit, etc but I never believe him. I figure he has to say it he is my husband. He never understood why I don't see what he does. That all I see are the imperfectness of me instead of the beauty he sees. When Layla placed herself six sizes bigger then she actually was I could see the light bulb go on in my husbands head.
Because of this view of myself, I too dressed frumpy and dumpy. No make up, no hair style, no style period. In 2008 that all will change.
I now have contacts, not that glasses are ugly, but use mine to hide behind and as an excuse not to do eye makeup. I invested in good mascara (Cover Girl Lash Blast), beautiful eye shadow shades and many eyeliner colors. I even have an eyelash curler! No more plain Jane eyes.
Next, I invested in several skin care treatments for my uneven skin tones and acne scars. I have a home microderm abrasion kit (BeautiControl) with the scrubber and after 2 treatments my skin is looking amazing. Then I invested in the Cell Block C, also by BeautiControl. It replenishes the skin and rejuvenates it.
I also have gotten my hair cut and colored as mentioned in a previous post. I invested in good shampoos, hair products and hair equipment. I never realized before the importance of using the right tools for the job until now.
Another area I took a good hard look at was my closet. But first I did a quick measurement of my various body parts to get a good idea of what sizes I should be wearing. Then I tried a few online calculators for body type and what style I should be wearing. After seeing what I shouldn't be wearing I went to my closet and took a hard look at what I had and boy have I been dressing wrong. No wonder I felt frumpy!
Instead of showing off what I have I was hiding it while accidentally accentuating what were my trouble spots. I began pulling down the entire "no's" style (still a work in progress because I have clothes in several spots in the house) and saw what I had left. I was suddenly inspired with outfit ideas. Things were like hidden treasures. I know as I move through my clothes that I have everywhere, I will find even more! I can't wait to go plundering in the boxes of stuff in the basement for new ideas!! (taking the remaining things in good condition to the Haven of Rest.)
I found that I had hidden treasures in my jewelry box too. Actually it wasn't a box and all of it was very unorganized so I found a jewelry box (reg. price was $19.99 but got it on sale for $4.99!) and sorted all of it out. Now I can play mix and match much like I did on my Barbie fashion plate set as a child (do you remember the fun those were!!)
My next step it to locate a place I can get a proper bra fitting. I have the same problem as Layla did with the excess rolls, floppy straps and little support for my ample girls. I know Victoria Secret does fittings but I also know they don't carry bras in my size. According to the "Bra Whisperer's" online calculator I am way off on what I need so I will find someplace local to go get an exact measurement.
Well, after all these fun activities I decided to take an outfit out for a spin. Suddenly people were saying hello to me. Was it the outfit or the air of confidence I had in the outfit? I wasn't sure. So I did it the next day and got the same result. Hmm, was I invisible before? I know I wanted to be, and I must have succeeded because suddenly I am getting complements, becoming more noticed and last night as I am getting out of my car I got whistled at! I checked the parking lot and I the only other person in it. Me getting cat calls? I am the same weight, same size, same outside (plus a put a more put together like I care about myself outfit) what changed?
My outlook. That's all.
Realizing that I am worth the fuss to look good and feel good. I am worth every penny of the pretty things. That the pretty things aren't just for the tinny tiny and model like, but for me a normal woman too.
So that is my resolution. To realize that I am worth everything I want, everything I dream, everything…
And just as I was coming to this revelation I discovered an awesome show on Lifetime called "How to look good naked". Watching Layla expressing exactly what I think and seeing how she saw herself triggered something in me. I need to change how I see me.
I watched the episode again with my husband last night. It helped him to see how I see myself. He always says I am beautiful no matter what my weight, outfit, etc but I never believe him. I figure he has to say it he is my husband. He never understood why I don't see what he does. That all I see are the imperfectness of me instead of the beauty he sees. When Layla placed herself six sizes bigger then she actually was I could see the light bulb go on in my husbands head.
Because of this view of myself, I too dressed frumpy and dumpy. No make up, no hair style, no style period. In 2008 that all will change.
I now have contacts, not that glasses are ugly, but use mine to hide behind and as an excuse not to do eye makeup. I invested in good mascara (Cover Girl Lash Blast), beautiful eye shadow shades and many eyeliner colors. I even have an eyelash curler! No more plain Jane eyes.
Next, I invested in several skin care treatments for my uneven skin tones and acne scars. I have a home microderm abrasion kit (BeautiControl) with the scrubber and after 2 treatments my skin is looking amazing. Then I invested in the Cell Block C, also by BeautiControl. It replenishes the skin and rejuvenates it.
I also have gotten my hair cut and colored as mentioned in a previous post. I invested in good shampoos, hair products and hair equipment. I never realized before the importance of using the right tools for the job until now.
Another area I took a good hard look at was my closet. But first I did a quick measurement of my various body parts to get a good idea of what sizes I should be wearing. Then I tried a few online calculators for body type and what style I should be wearing. After seeing what I shouldn't be wearing I went to my closet and took a hard look at what I had and boy have I been dressing wrong. No wonder I felt frumpy!
Instead of showing off what I have I was hiding it while accidentally accentuating what were my trouble spots. I began pulling down the entire "no's" style (still a work in progress because I have clothes in several spots in the house) and saw what I had left. I was suddenly inspired with outfit ideas. Things were like hidden treasures. I know as I move through my clothes that I have everywhere, I will find even more! I can't wait to go plundering in the boxes of stuff in the basement for new ideas!! (taking the remaining things in good condition to the Haven of Rest.)
I found that I had hidden treasures in my jewelry box too. Actually it wasn't a box and all of it was very unorganized so I found a jewelry box (reg. price was $19.99 but got it on sale for $4.99!) and sorted all of it out. Now I can play mix and match much like I did on my Barbie fashion plate set as a child (do you remember the fun those were!!)
My next step it to locate a place I can get a proper bra fitting. I have the same problem as Layla did with the excess rolls, floppy straps and little support for my ample girls. I know Victoria Secret does fittings but I also know they don't carry bras in my size. According to the "Bra Whisperer's" online calculator I am way off on what I need so I will find someplace local to go get an exact measurement.
Well, after all these fun activities I decided to take an outfit out for a spin. Suddenly people were saying hello to me. Was it the outfit or the air of confidence I had in the outfit? I wasn't sure. So I did it the next day and got the same result. Hmm, was I invisible before? I know I wanted to be, and I must have succeeded because suddenly I am getting complements, becoming more noticed and last night as I am getting out of my car I got whistled at! I checked the parking lot and I the only other person in it. Me getting cat calls? I am the same weight, same size, same outside (plus a put a more put together like I care about myself outfit) what changed?
My outlook. That's all.
Realizing that I am worth the fuss to look good and feel good. I am worth every penny of the pretty things. That the pretty things aren't just for the tinny tiny and model like, but for me a normal woman too.
So that is my resolution. To realize that I am worth everything I want, everything I dream, everything…
Friday, January 4, 2008
Giving props to my fashion source: www.nikkimaria.blogspot.com
I began my love of fashion in the 9th grade when I would rip the collors out of my t-shirts so they would sag like Madonna's and add as many jelly braclets to my arms as I could.
From there it progressed on to looking like Amanda Woodward with smart skirts and outfits that screamed power and beauty were a good thing.
When I was introduced to Sex and the City I was once again drooling over fashion. Unsure of how to translate the beauty I saw on the show and began to discover in the pages of fashion magazines I expereimented with things here and there. I ebayed my closet full of all sorts of pretty things with matching purses and shoes. But I lacked the confidence and the know-how to pull a decent outfit together. That is until I "accidentally" became friends with a true godess of fashion Nikki. ( Nikki's Blog
She showed me that I should find my own "style" my trying things. But the most important lesson of all is that she taught me how to "work it." Whether running to the store or struting into work taking the time to look stunning was so worth it.
For those that know me, know that I am not a make up wearer and I rearly do anything with my hair that involves any sort of time. (Sleep is like air for me) But I am fashioning a routine that take no time at all!
For Christmas I got contacts so it gives me a blank slate to paint on (so to speak.) I go bold (but not too bold) on the eyes and they jump out atcha. All the rest just falls into place.
Also, I have a layered bob that allows me the freedom to do many styles depending on my mood or time. Last night (with the help of my motherinlaw) I curled my hair in plastic rollers and slept in it. When I woke up and took them out I had a head full of loose ringlets. Wa-la! My hair was done. 10 minutes for make-up, had my outfit layed out (jewlery, purse and shoes included) the night before. I chose a red button down slightly taylored shirt with a black belt and black knee lenght pencil skirt. I had black tights and my black mary jane 3 inch pumps. Added my silver (Christmas present) watch, thin silver bangle bracelts, silver butterfly necklace, silver earrings and I am out the door. Oh I almost for got my purse (a splurge from living in New Orleans) a Prada medium clutch. (I will post a pick of me and the out fit tonight).
Now, I would have never resolved to discover my inner diva if it weren't for the orignal fashion diva Nikki. She is a editor, writer, blogger, fashionista and so much more. She inspires beauty in all no matter the size, shape or budget. She is the real deal. She is listed in my "top" friends as Editing Diva. Go check her and her blog out. It is totally worth the time!!
So I am going back to work where I feel confident (and am getting buku complements) and inspired.
Ciao!
From there it progressed on to looking like Amanda Woodward with smart skirts and outfits that screamed power and beauty were a good thing.
When I was introduced to Sex and the City I was once again drooling over fashion. Unsure of how to translate the beauty I saw on the show and began to discover in the pages of fashion magazines I expereimented with things here and there. I ebayed my closet full of all sorts of pretty things with matching purses and shoes. But I lacked the confidence and the know-how to pull a decent outfit together. That is until I "accidentally" became friends with a true godess of fashion Nikki. ( Nikki's Blog
She showed me that I should find my own "style" my trying things. But the most important lesson of all is that she taught me how to "work it." Whether running to the store or struting into work taking the time to look stunning was so worth it.
For those that know me, know that I am not a make up wearer and I rearly do anything with my hair that involves any sort of time. (Sleep is like air for me) But I am fashioning a routine that take no time at all!
For Christmas I got contacts so it gives me a blank slate to paint on (so to speak.) I go bold (but not too bold) on the eyes and they jump out atcha. All the rest just falls into place.
Also, I have a layered bob that allows me the freedom to do many styles depending on my mood or time. Last night (with the help of my motherinlaw) I curled my hair in plastic rollers and slept in it. When I woke up and took them out I had a head full of loose ringlets. Wa-la! My hair was done. 10 minutes for make-up, had my outfit layed out (jewlery, purse and shoes included) the night before. I chose a red button down slightly taylored shirt with a black belt and black knee lenght pencil skirt. I had black tights and my black mary jane 3 inch pumps. Added my silver (Christmas present) watch, thin silver bangle bracelts, silver butterfly necklace, silver earrings and I am out the door. Oh I almost for got my purse (a splurge from living in New Orleans) a Prada medium clutch. (I will post a pick of me and the out fit tonight).
Now, I would have never resolved to discover my inner diva if it weren't for the orignal fashion diva Nikki. She is a editor, writer, blogger, fashionista and so much more. She inspires beauty in all no matter the size, shape or budget. She is the real deal. She is listed in my "top" friends as Editing Diva. Go check her and her blog out. It is totally worth the time!!
So I am going back to work where I feel confident (and am getting buku complements) and inspired.
Ciao!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
winter wishes to all my southern friends and family
Today when I woke up and drug my tired and frozen buns out of my toasty bed to see that it was a balmy 16 degrees outside. Despite the want to run back under the covers and play hooky, I got dressed.
When it was time to head out the door I had to begin the process of putting on my gloves, scarf, ear muffs (because I refuse to wear a hat when I have to be presentable at work) heavy winter coat and thermal snow boots. I have to have a pair of dress shoes in a bag to change into at work. You don't dare try to navigate the icy parking lot and walkways with 3 inch heels!
I grab my bags and keys and head outside in the frigid air. We have had snow for a couple of days now and while it is maybe 2 inches, it is frozen solid and crunches as I walk in it to the van. I can't drive the mustang in this weather because it is rear wheel drive, lacking traction control and abs.
I open and start it while grabbing my ice scraper to clear my windows. My windshield wipers are frozen to the window and I can't climb up to reach them in my suit I am wearing so I do the best I can to try and break them free. I wipe the snow off the windows as my feet are starting to go numb and my fingers begin to feel like icicles. I get back in the van and watch my breath as I rev the engine in hopes of it warming up faster. It finally gets warm in the van just as I am 2 exits on the interstate from my destination. About this time I see traffic slowing down because someone took the turn too fast and spun out.
I finally get to work and pull into the still unplowed parking lot. Only the head cheeses get the spaces close to the building so that leaves us peons to park in the back lot. With my boots on I get good traction and my feet stay relatively warm and dry. What digs into my bones is the wind whipping up from the canal and lake nearby. The buildings create almost a valley between them, making the wind even stronger. It reminds me of living in Chicago years ago. That feeling lets you know it is winter in the north.
Once inside the building there is slop from everyone's winter footwear, so you have to tread carefully so you don't slip on the slick tile floors. By the time I trudge up to my office on the 3rd floor I am sweating from all the winter gear. I unlock the door and begin to peel it all off. I swap out the boots for a pair of pumps and quickly go make some hot coffee. It warms me on the way down.
When it is this cold outside I avoid going back out until it is time to leave. I have to begin the dress process again as well as the painfully cold walk to the parking lot. I also have to scrape off of the window, warm the car and attempt to not get frost bitten while the van's engine warms. To add insult to injury, it is also dark out when I leave at 5:00 p.m. I then begin my trek to my second job (teaching 3 nights a week) 20 minutes away. The roads are very steep and I often see cars spun out along the way.
I get to school, teach and have to head home again, only now it is 10:00 p.m. and 9 degrees. Luckily there isn't any new snow fall on the car, but the wipers are yet again frozen to my windshield. I warm up the car and head home 40 minutes away.
I go inside, try to unwind for bed as quick as possible because I know the toastiness of my bed will be short lived when the alarm goes off again for another round of dressing, scraping, warming, slopping, etc. This pattern generally occurs from December through March (and sometimes until late April) with some days better (and worse) then others.
Sure it can be easy to become bitter and cranky during this time of year, but the beauty of fresh fallen snow, the fun of snowball fights and the joy in children (both big and small) at the prospect of sledding down the big hill at a near by park out weighs all the bad ten fold.
When it was time to head out the door I had to begin the process of putting on my gloves, scarf, ear muffs (because I refuse to wear a hat when I have to be presentable at work) heavy winter coat and thermal snow boots. I have to have a pair of dress shoes in a bag to change into at work. You don't dare try to navigate the icy parking lot and walkways with 3 inch heels!
I grab my bags and keys and head outside in the frigid air. We have had snow for a couple of days now and while it is maybe 2 inches, it is frozen solid and crunches as I walk in it to the van. I can't drive the mustang in this weather because it is rear wheel drive, lacking traction control and abs.
I open and start it while grabbing my ice scraper to clear my windows. My windshield wipers are frozen to the window and I can't climb up to reach them in my suit I am wearing so I do the best I can to try and break them free. I wipe the snow off the windows as my feet are starting to go numb and my fingers begin to feel like icicles. I get back in the van and watch my breath as I rev the engine in hopes of it warming up faster. It finally gets warm in the van just as I am 2 exits on the interstate from my destination. About this time I see traffic slowing down because someone took the turn too fast and spun out.
I finally get to work and pull into the still unplowed parking lot. Only the head cheeses get the spaces close to the building so that leaves us peons to park in the back lot. With my boots on I get good traction and my feet stay relatively warm and dry. What digs into my bones is the wind whipping up from the canal and lake nearby. The buildings create almost a valley between them, making the wind even stronger. It reminds me of living in Chicago years ago. That feeling lets you know it is winter in the north.
Once inside the building there is slop from everyone's winter footwear, so you have to tread carefully so you don't slip on the slick tile floors. By the time I trudge up to my office on the 3rd floor I am sweating from all the winter gear. I unlock the door and begin to peel it all off. I swap out the boots for a pair of pumps and quickly go make some hot coffee. It warms me on the way down.
When it is this cold outside I avoid going back out until it is time to leave. I have to begin the dress process again as well as the painfully cold walk to the parking lot. I also have to scrape off of the window, warm the car and attempt to not get frost bitten while the van's engine warms. To add insult to injury, it is also dark out when I leave at 5:00 p.m. I then begin my trek to my second job (teaching 3 nights a week) 20 minutes away. The roads are very steep and I often see cars spun out along the way.
I get to school, teach and have to head home again, only now it is 10:00 p.m. and 9 degrees. Luckily there isn't any new snow fall on the car, but the wipers are yet again frozen to my windshield. I warm up the car and head home 40 minutes away.
I go inside, try to unwind for bed as quick as possible because I know the toastiness of my bed will be short lived when the alarm goes off again for another round of dressing, scraping, warming, slopping, etc. This pattern generally occurs from December through March (and sometimes until late April) with some days better (and worse) then others.
Sure it can be easy to become bitter and cranky during this time of year, but the beauty of fresh fallen snow, the fun of snowball fights and the joy in children (both big and small) at the prospect of sledding down the big hill at a near by park out weighs all the bad ten fold.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Ahhh so that is what a full night sleep is like….
Ok so it has been a crazy, crazy year! But I can't believe how much better I feel with a full nights sleep! I took some cold meds and crashed around 8:30 p.m. last night. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. on my own! For those that know me know that is a major thing for me. I am not a morning person at all. Just the fact that I don't kill people on the way to work is an accomplishment, but today I not only woke up but woke up happy. WTF!?! Are the planets aligned today or something? Or is the fact that I got a full 8 hours of glorious sleep to thank for that. Only time will tell.
On a writing note…since deciding to take the rest of the year off from school and teaching I have ultimately freed up my brain for more fun matters like reading and writing. I have put the offer out there if anyone needs book reviews done this is a great time to get your books to me. My brain is craving some good stuff so pass it on.
I am also in a holding pattern as the Dr's work out the results of my testing and try this and that to see if it helps…so life goes on…
Another thing that I am dipping my toes into is the state of the world and America today. So don't be too surprised if I pull out my soap box in the coming days and weeks. I have been silent for too long on many things.
My friend list is growing because I am expanding my mind, my beliefs, my love to the world at large. So if you are newly added, thanks for the add and I look forward to getting to know you. If you are prior, I hope you know how much I love and respect you and our friendship.
With much love and respect,
Shan
On a writing note…since deciding to take the rest of the year off from school and teaching I have ultimately freed up my brain for more fun matters like reading and writing. I have put the offer out there if anyone needs book reviews done this is a great time to get your books to me. My brain is craving some good stuff so pass it on.
I am also in a holding pattern as the Dr's work out the results of my testing and try this and that to see if it helps…so life goes on…
Another thing that I am dipping my toes into is the state of the world and America today. So don't be too surprised if I pull out my soap box in the coming days and weeks. I have been silent for too long on many things.
My friend list is growing because I am expanding my mind, my beliefs, my love to the world at large. So if you are newly added, thanks for the add and I look forward to getting to know you. If you are prior, I hope you know how much I love and respect you and our friendship.
With much love and respect,
Shan
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Taking time to breathe...
After a long, long summer turned to fall I decided that I am taking time off from teaching and going to school until the 1st of the year. I am in the process of very nasty testing on my hated but much needed kidneys. With my health issues and such, I figured it was a good time to slow down and regroup things in my life.
I want to get writing again but need to determine what path to take with it. I need to figure out what path I want to take in this fork in the road...so I decided I am taking until the first of the year to figure life out.
This isn't a bad thing or me in a spiral again. I am just so grateful for the life I have right now that I want to take time to enjoy it as well as look at where I need improving.
What does this all mean? That I am going to enjoy the holidays, the chilly weather, baking cookies, reading, snowball fights, sitting by my mother-in-laws fireplace, drinking Ck's amazing hot chocolate. All things amazing. Life is to short as it is and the busier it gets the faster time flies!
My first born turned 15 this month and my youngest will be 7 next month, with my middle child turning 14 in Feb. They are growing up way too fast.
If anyone has a book they want to recommend or want me to review for them, this is a great opportunity to do so.
Well, back to work. I am grateful for all of you being apart of my life.
Hugs to all~Shan
I want to get writing again but need to determine what path to take with it. I need to figure out what path I want to take in this fork in the road...so I decided I am taking until the first of the year to figure life out.
This isn't a bad thing or me in a spiral again. I am just so grateful for the life I have right now that I want to take time to enjoy it as well as look at where I need improving.
What does this all mean? That I am going to enjoy the holidays, the chilly weather, baking cookies, reading, snowball fights, sitting by my mother-in-laws fireplace, drinking Ck's amazing hot chocolate. All things amazing. Life is to short as it is and the busier it gets the faster time flies!
My first born turned 15 this month and my youngest will be 7 next month, with my middle child turning 14 in Feb. They are growing up way too fast.
If anyone has a book they want to recommend or want me to review for them, this is a great opportunity to do so.
Well, back to work. I am grateful for all of you being apart of my life.
Hugs to all~Shan
Thursday, October 18, 2007
You think you know me.... Okay I've tagged! (Luv ya Sophie!!)
Okay I've tagged! (Luv ya Sophie!!)
8 Person Blog Each player starts with eight random facts/habits or embarrassing things about themselves. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and to read your blog.
1. I wanted to be a teacher and writer most of my childhood. I let fear and lack of confidence keep me from doing this for 15 years. Now, I have just scratched the surface on both dreams.
2. I have always been afraid of heights, even to the point of panic attacks. Last month I rode to the top of the Skylon Tower in Niarga Falls, Canada (520 feet high) on an elevator that is outside the tower and glass. Once on top I went to the open air observation deck and looked out to the falls and the cities around me and for the first time I felt a sense of freedom not fear. Sure my knees were shaking, but I felt free. I even went to the edge and looked down. I am not saying it cured my hieghts fear, but it did teach me that in order to not let the fear of something hold me back, you have to look it in the eyes and charge it down.
3. I love animals. Any shape, color, size, breed, etc... So much so I wanted to keep the mouse we found in our kitchen as a pet.
4. I am addicted to myspace. nuff said
5. I love music. I don't care what kind, genre etc it is from, I want to hear it. I may not be able to tell you what band is playing, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Right now I am listenting to a smooth jazz station in the car, new age at work, country on my mp3 player and hiphop at home. I let my mood dictate the music which then dictated my mood. May not make sense to you but it does to me. :) I am also a lyrics hog. I have notebooks of lyrics that have been important to me and parts of my life. Songs that I wrote down as far back as when I was 14 years old and had to press stop then rewind on my cassette player.
6. I dream of going to Paris, Tuscany, London and Dublin (and every town in between) sooner rather then later.
7. I love being a mom! I am far from perfect and I am ok with that. I know how far I have come from a blue print I was handed by family. I have my neighbor growing up and Mrs. Pat for that. I also owe alot to my mother in law and sister in law. THey are great examples in all that they do.
8. If I had a choice to do anything for a day it would be to sit on a beach, basking in the sun, watching my children and husband play while I read a book unintereupted.
That's the end of getting to know Shannon a little better with 8 Facts. Now who's the lucky folks!
1. Sara - My sister, my friend. We need to get together before the boys grow up on us!!
2.Heather- I miss you!! We need to invent a teleporter machine from your house to mine so we can see each other more!!
3.Sammie 
4. Nicole - It has been only 5 minutes since we graduated right?!?! Not the 18 years of grey hairs and aching joints that my calendar says...miss you!!! 
5. CK- you are more important to me and the family then you will ever know. You are my hero and if I am a fraction the amazing person you are I will be happy. I love ya like a sister Tina!!
6.Rachael Rachael 
Monday, October 1, 2007
October Begins...
I have to admit I love this time of year; the cool breeze, leaves changing, football, just cool enough to wear your favorite cozy sweatshirt and jeans. At night you need an extre blanket because leaving the windows open makes you snuggle more. Playing outside doesn't cause you to get all sweaty. Long walks gathering leaves for fall school projects are fun. Hiking with the family is a lesson in nature and the world around us. You begin to discover hidden nooks around the towns you live in as you step in to warm up and have a cool drink. Life slows down again for the last time before the winter holidays are upon us. The daylight is shorter so you tend to be at home with the family earlier then in summer. Dinners of chili and homemade chicken soup begin as well as baked goods. Having the windows open allows the smells of the yumminess fill the neighborhoods. Campfires in back yards are starting up. Smores and scary stories are being gobble up. Fall is a great time of reflection. We watch children go off to school and can remember our school days. We watch the big homecoming game with this new generation but yet can recall where we were for our homecoming. As the apple trees and pumpkins are ready to be picked the ciders and pies become plenty. So on this first day of October I raise my hot cocoa to all the sprits of fall and the beauty they bring.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Where I go from here?
After reading the blog of an real published author it dawned on me that I can't and shouldn't be called a writer. Because if I were a writer like I keep pounding on my chest about, I would have written something worth publishing over the last year, but I haven't. I can't even blame that my work is good and that it just isn't getting seen, because . I. Have. Not. Written. Anything.
Sure I blog here and there and rework my website and myspage page to give the illusion that I am writing. But the truth is I haven't. I piddle around and shuffle the papers of my novel that I started 2 years ago next month. I am still where I left off on it spring of 2006. I talk the talk and never walk the walk. I say I want to be a writer full time, yet I have not attempted to squeeze out anything worth printing. I see real authors working 2 jobs and still pumping out books and articles while I whine about laundry getting in my way. I blame time being short, responsibilities too long, this that and the other, yet what it all boils down to is that I haven't made the effort.
When I came to this epiphany, I decided to go deeper and see if I could figure out why I didn't even try. Am I lazy? (yes, but that is beside the point.) Am I incapable of writing more good material? (no, because when I do get worked up about something I can pump out good stuff) Or am I afraid of success and how I will handle it? (ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!)
Why am I afraid of success? Sure I could continue to blame my parents for this fear, and although I do attribute some of that to them, I am ready to admit it is all me. Which also means it is all me that has to fix it.
What does this mean? I am not sure yet, but the first step toward anything is realizing what you have done wrong. The second is figuring out how to make it right.
It is time to think about what I really want to do about my writing. Did I satisfy the yearning to be a writer with what I have already accomplished or do I take it seriously and take it to the next level? Where do I go from here?
Sure I blog here and there and rework my website and myspage page to give the illusion that I am writing. But the truth is I haven't. I piddle around and shuffle the papers of my novel that I started 2 years ago next month. I am still where I left off on it spring of 2006. I talk the talk and never walk the walk. I say I want to be a writer full time, yet I have not attempted to squeeze out anything worth printing. I see real authors working 2 jobs and still pumping out books and articles while I whine about laundry getting in my way. I blame time being short, responsibilities too long, this that and the other, yet what it all boils down to is that I haven't made the effort.
When I came to this epiphany, I decided to go deeper and see if I could figure out why I didn't even try. Am I lazy? (yes, but that is beside the point.) Am I incapable of writing more good material? (no, because when I do get worked up about something I can pump out good stuff) Or am I afraid of success and how I will handle it? (ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!)
Why am I afraid of success? Sure I could continue to blame my parents for this fear, and although I do attribute some of that to them, I am ready to admit it is all me. Which also means it is all me that has to fix it.
What does this mean? I am not sure yet, but the first step toward anything is realizing what you have done wrong. The second is figuring out how to make it right.
It is time to think about what I really want to do about my writing. Did I satisfy the yearning to be a writer with what I have already accomplished or do I take it seriously and take it to the next level? Where do I go from here?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Me and my irrational fears (Also titled: why my husband is the best)
Me and my irrational fears.
As anyone that has known me for any length of time can attest to: I have lots of irrational fears. I am sure this is because my mother before me had them and like a bad cold, I caught them.
Well today I had the biggest scare of my rather boring summer…let me set the scene…
I am reading unauthorized emails on my myspace page when I am supposed to be working. I read one about 9/11 and watch its video. Still not ready to be productive, I chose another 9/11 video from the list and proceed to watch. It is one made from a 911 call with a man trapped on the 105th floor of the north tower. He is coughing and screaming for help. The call goes on for several minutes as the operator is trying to calm him and relay his message to fire fighters on radios in the stairwells below him. You can hear the 3 in conversations of fear and panic. Then you hear a rumble, a scream then silence. The video set side-by-side with it is the building collapsing. I release a tear, shut down the player and go try to be productive despite the sadness and the insane noise from the floor below us that is coming from the drills and saws of construction.
Not 2 minutes later the fire alarms go off. My first thought was, "Oh shit." My second thought was, "we're all gonna die!"
I grabbed my stuff and acted like a dog trying to lay down for night-back and forth back in forth wondering if it were real or not. Everyone came out of their offices and cubes rather calmly. I pretended I was. We left and headed to the stairwell. It seemed like hundreds of people were in the stairwell with me. As I started down the 3 flights of steps, my adrenaline kicked in. I was moving faster then my brain was realizing and before I knew it we were on the ground and headed outside.
It was a fire drill.
After we all get back inside I decide to call my husband and tell him about my heart attack. And explained it as seen above.
He said, "you are on the 3rd floor of a 5 story building with only maybe a hundred people in the whole thing. Are you sure there were hundreds of thousands of people in the stairs?"
"Yes! I am certain! You know I am afraid of dying in fires, going down stairs, heights…"
"I know, bridges, water, am I leaving anything out?" He chuckles
"No, just put me in a box in the corner and I will live there." I am still shaking from the whole ordeal thinking that it is the best idea I have had all years.
"I can't, your claustrophobic."
"Oh, yeah right."
I laugh so hard I nearly pee myself.
As anyone that has known me for any length of time can attest to: I have lots of irrational fears. I am sure this is because my mother before me had them and like a bad cold, I caught them.
Well today I had the biggest scare of my rather boring summer…let me set the scene…
I am reading unauthorized emails on my myspace page when I am supposed to be working. I read one about 9/11 and watch its video. Still not ready to be productive, I chose another 9/11 video from the list and proceed to watch. It is one made from a 911 call with a man trapped on the 105th floor of the north tower. He is coughing and screaming for help. The call goes on for several minutes as the operator is trying to calm him and relay his message to fire fighters on radios in the stairwells below him. You can hear the 3 in conversations of fear and panic. Then you hear a rumble, a scream then silence. The video set side-by-side with it is the building collapsing. I release a tear, shut down the player and go try to be productive despite the sadness and the insane noise from the floor below us that is coming from the drills and saws of construction.
Not 2 minutes later the fire alarms go off. My first thought was, "Oh shit." My second thought was, "we're all gonna die!"
I grabbed my stuff and acted like a dog trying to lay down for night-back and forth back in forth wondering if it were real or not. Everyone came out of their offices and cubes rather calmly. I pretended I was. We left and headed to the stairwell. It seemed like hundreds of people were in the stairwell with me. As I started down the 3 flights of steps, my adrenaline kicked in. I was moving faster then my brain was realizing and before I knew it we were on the ground and headed outside.
It was a fire drill.
After we all get back inside I decide to call my husband and tell him about my heart attack. And explained it as seen above.
He said, "you are on the 3rd floor of a 5 story building with only maybe a hundred people in the whole thing. Are you sure there were hundreds of thousands of people in the stairs?"
"Yes! I am certain! You know I am afraid of dying in fires, going down stairs, heights…"
"I know, bridges, water, am I leaving anything out?" He chuckles
"No, just put me in a box in the corner and I will live there." I am still shaking from the whole ordeal thinking that it is the best idea I have had all years.
"I can't, your claustrophobic."
"Oh, yeah right."
I laugh so hard I nearly pee myself.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Things are about to get Crazy!
Things are about to get Crazy!
Wow! I just looked at my calendar from now until Thanksgiving and WOW! I am gonna be working it in a big way!
I started a class today which runs until Oct 13. It is a core class in my bachelor's degree so it is going to be a hard one with a lot of reading, writing and researching. I know I will like it once I get in a rhythm.
I just accepted a teaching position at my college that I got my associates degree through. So from October 1 – Nov 10th I will be teaching medical administration from 6-10 pm Mon, Tues, and Thurs. This will be my first class and thankfully it is small. I am determined to get over my fear of speaking in front of people. I will also have to plan lessons, create tests, and grade work.
I am still working full time at the non-profit as well, during the day.
I also have a son in pee-wee football through middle October and every other weekend my teens are with me for the weekend.
Oh did I mention that the battery of testing and visits to specialist begin now through middle October on my kidneys?
Oh and I have a house to clean, pets to feed.
And I am a mentor and surrogate big sister to several amazing students (and some of their awesome friends).
Also, I am trying to launch my business Shannon Anicas Creations.
Busy? Who me? Naw…ask me in a few weeks as I collapse on the floor in stress….lol
But for now, I will be on myspace less working and studying more. Wish me luck!
Wow! I just looked at my calendar from now until Thanksgiving and WOW! I am gonna be working it in a big way!
I started a class today which runs until Oct 13. It is a core class in my bachelor's degree so it is going to be a hard one with a lot of reading, writing and researching. I know I will like it once I get in a rhythm.
I just accepted a teaching position at my college that I got my associates degree through. So from October 1 – Nov 10th I will be teaching medical administration from 6-10 pm Mon, Tues, and Thurs. This will be my first class and thankfully it is small. I am determined to get over my fear of speaking in front of people. I will also have to plan lessons, create tests, and grade work.
I am still working full time at the non-profit as well, during the day.
I also have a son in pee-wee football through middle October and every other weekend my teens are with me for the weekend.
Oh did I mention that the battery of testing and visits to specialist begin now through middle October on my kidneys?
Oh and I have a house to clean, pets to feed.
And I am a mentor and surrogate big sister to several amazing students (and some of their awesome friends).
Also, I am trying to launch my business Shannon Anicas Creations.
Busy? Who me? Naw…ask me in a few weeks as I collapse on the floor in stress….lol
But for now, I will be on myspace less working and studying more. Wish me luck!
Thursday, July 5, 2007
36 Resolutions for my 36th year
Now that I am officially 36 and since my first year began on my birthday, I have decided to do a list of resolutions. Now, more then ever, I feel a change in perspective and in my life I see things for improvement so I am going to make (and hopefully keep to) these resolutions.
36. Accept that some people won't change and to stop trying to make them.
35. To love more and hate less.
34. To dance more even if someone is watching.
33. Sing more and more then in the shower and car
32. To stop sweating the small stuff and most of it is actually small stuff
31. To stop trying to control the course of fate
30. To give more hugs to everyone
29. To smile more often, even if I am having a crappy day
28. To start the day off meditating
27. To end the day meditating
26. To express how grateful I am for the blessings in my life
25. To show the people I love just how much I love them
24. To treat everyday as if it were my last
23. To live life to its fullest and not let lack of money, stress or other distractions deter me from doing so.
22. To write every day
21. To submit said writings to publications so I can live my dream
20. To do my best in my school work so that I can finish achieving my dream of a Bachelors Degree
19. To let bygones be bygones
18. To stop living for yesterday and live to today
17. To dream bigger, in dreams we are only limited by our imaginations not our pocketbooks
16. To laugh more
15. To stop and smell the roses, coffee, smell of my son when he snuggles next to me after a bath
14. To stop trying to be something or someone I am not. The people who matter most love me for who I am
13. To stop trying to hold on to things that don't matter and hold tighter to those that do.
12. To be proud of my accomplishments
11. To learn to be confident in my own skin regardless of my weight, hair color or outfit
10. To give more then I receive
9. To cherish the moments I have instead of living for the moments I can't get back
8. To show the people I love that I do indeed love them more then words can say
7. To make sure my friends know just how lucky I am to have them in my life
6. To be grateful for the things I have and stop living for the things I don't have
5. To plan a dream vacation and make arrangements for it to come true
4. To take lots of pictures and share them with the world
3. To be confident in my abilities
2. To love and forgive despite the persons faults and mistakes
1. To never compromise who I am for the sake of someone else.
Now these are not in order by priority because they are all equally important. It is just how they flowed out of my brain and into the keyboard. I (state your name) promise to do these 36 things no matter how the day is, what mood I or others around me are in. I will put all my heart and soul into these things because I am worth it.
36. Accept that some people won't change and to stop trying to make them.
35. To love more and hate less.
34. To dance more even if someone is watching.
33. Sing more and more then in the shower and car
32. To stop sweating the small stuff and most of it is actually small stuff
31. To stop trying to control the course of fate
30. To give more hugs to everyone
29. To smile more often, even if I am having a crappy day
28. To start the day off meditating
27. To end the day meditating
26. To express how grateful I am for the blessings in my life
25. To show the people I love just how much I love them
24. To treat everyday as if it were my last
23. To live life to its fullest and not let lack of money, stress or other distractions deter me from doing so.
22. To write every day
21. To submit said writings to publications so I can live my dream
20. To do my best in my school work so that I can finish achieving my dream of a Bachelors Degree
19. To let bygones be bygones
18. To stop living for yesterday and live to today
17. To dream bigger, in dreams we are only limited by our imaginations not our pocketbooks
16. To laugh more
15. To stop and smell the roses, coffee, smell of my son when he snuggles next to me after a bath
14. To stop trying to be something or someone I am not. The people who matter most love me for who I am
13. To stop trying to hold on to things that don't matter and hold tighter to those that do.
12. To be proud of my accomplishments
11. To learn to be confident in my own skin regardless of my weight, hair color or outfit
10. To give more then I receive
9. To cherish the moments I have instead of living for the moments I can't get back
8. To show the people I love that I do indeed love them more then words can say
7. To make sure my friends know just how lucky I am to have them in my life
6. To be grateful for the things I have and stop living for the things I don't have
5. To plan a dream vacation and make arrangements for it to come true
4. To take lots of pictures and share them with the world
3. To be confident in my abilities
2. To love and forgive despite the persons faults and mistakes
1. To never compromise who I am for the sake of someone else.
Now these are not in order by priority because they are all equally important. It is just how they flowed out of my brain and into the keyboard. I (state your name) promise to do these 36 things no matter how the day is, what mood I or others around me are in. I will put all my heart and soul into these things because I am worth it.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Dreaming again
It has been awhile since I have been able to write without disruption of school, homework, and stress from work, sickness, etc. and I am feeling the dreamer creep back into me.
I started feeling the slow warmth of creativity when this weekend, for my anniversary, we took along walk around Borders. When I crossed the threshold into the land of words, I could hear tiny, incomprehensible words coming from all directions. With each step they grew louder, but not clearer. I headed for the fiction section and upon turning into the first aisle it looked like a candy store. Bright colors, rich textures, shiny objects abound. I reached out and touched the spine of a red book and I could hear it saying "write, write again," as clearly as I could hear the pages of the book the person next to me was reading, turn. With every touch of my finger to a spine the voices changed, but the message was the same "write, write again!"
My process of writing is probably not as unique as I think, but here it goes: I have to dream it into life. Whether it is a casual day dream or a wake me up at 2:00 a.m. and write it down, it has to come from somewhere deep inside. Like the proverbial can of worms, it has to be opened. I think this is why I go for such long bouts of not writing; because I don't dream it therefore it will not come.
When I am stressed it is like cholesterol blocking my creative veins. I can't do much beyond surviving without creating more stress. When I have those paths wide open my dreams come back, thus my writing begins again to move freely from my thoughts to the keys clicking away.
So, I am dreaming and creating new worlds again and I couldn't be happier
I started feeling the slow warmth of creativity when this weekend, for my anniversary, we took along walk around Borders. When I crossed the threshold into the land of words, I could hear tiny, incomprehensible words coming from all directions. With each step they grew louder, but not clearer. I headed for the fiction section and upon turning into the first aisle it looked like a candy store. Bright colors, rich textures, shiny objects abound. I reached out and touched the spine of a red book and I could hear it saying "write, write again," as clearly as I could hear the pages of the book the person next to me was reading, turn. With every touch of my finger to a spine the voices changed, but the message was the same "write, write again!"
My process of writing is probably not as unique as I think, but here it goes: I have to dream it into life. Whether it is a casual day dream or a wake me up at 2:00 a.m. and write it down, it has to come from somewhere deep inside. Like the proverbial can of worms, it has to be opened. I think this is why I go for such long bouts of not writing; because I don't dream it therefore it will not come.
When I am stressed it is like cholesterol blocking my creative veins. I can't do much beyond surviving without creating more stress. When I have those paths wide open my dreams come back, thus my writing begins again to move freely from my thoughts to the keys clicking away.
So, I am dreaming and creating new worlds again and I couldn't be happier
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